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+ sensitivity in me
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Monday, October 11, 2010 | 9:09 PM
hiyakyakyakiieee!~~~ Greeting fellow human beans. ahha BEANS. Aint that adorable? Been a while since I've blogged uh..ahaha Well.. right now, it makes me wonder . Is there really 24 hrs in a day , now? At this moment, a day seems like an hour long, a week seems like a day long, a month seems like a week long, a year seems like a month long. Do you realise that our time is coming very soon. Everything is processing faster than it should. ARE YOU SCARE? Not for me, def:) because I came to know about HIM. :) AMEN. Crap, hols ending tonight. GEEEZ. I feel I dint do much for the family nor myself this break as I was really busy with school event and my IG. hyeah BUT BUT.. it was worthwhile to see that BW sucha successs baby! hahaha. oh and I'VE GOT NO CLASSS ON WED BAYBEH!! *POPS CHAMPAGNE* HAHAHA!! I have to do egg tart delivery to Philo Fuuuuuu. ahaha Visiting him along Kenneth on wed. Hear that all the familiar faces are no longer working there. It's kinda sad now and I rmb him saying that he feels like a loner now. AAWWW. :) WE ARE STILL THERE WITH YOU SPIRITUALLY PHIL :) I dunnoo, I kinda feel all over the place right now.. even though im blogging right now it feels as though Im not doing it. Weird feeling. O H GOSH. Im left with like a 1 1/2 month;s to thai? Which also means, to LOSEEE more WEIGHT omgg -.- You know, relatives... they tend to goo... oh mine, you;ve gained weight, blah blahh. WhichI find it really irritating.Come on, uh.. I;m like only travelling back there once in a year and you're doign this to me? sigh... oh wellz. Oh so happy thing to share with. BARRY = MY MEDICINE :) ahaha my happy pill , I kinda feel so so much better eveytime I TALK to him. BE it text nor MSN. I feel that he;s just right beside me. I truly thank god for him :) Labels: StrawBARRY is loved. Monday, September 13, 2010 | 10:53 PM
hi :) saying this through his eyes .. that look that I wouldn't forget , not this life. It really is amazing how he could look so kind and pretty. Well, they say that looks can be deceiving hence do not go out all to trust or believe; that way you wont have to get plaster to cover up your wound, those unecessary wounds. Sometimes, I feel that coincidence, it really is teasing enough. He happens to appear outta nowhere in my mind the next moment, I looked up .. well.. you know what happened next. Don't really have to go through it point by point do I? cliche eh.. ahahah!! Like DUHHH.. he was standing there. I don't know, but apart from Barry,(oh barry ahaha he's my best friend, my soul mate) yeah back to that, Barry.. there's this special thing about him. Well I do not know whether it applies to everyone)to all his friends) but for my case , he gives out a warmth feeling. I feel very safe, that secure feeling by just being near him and looking at him. Sometimes, I feel that he was godsent from Heaven . Amen to that. :)) Thinking that he may be the only angel that was sent from above hence I am thankful, honest! Till.. I saw him today... I knew that he was yet another one sent from above. He carries a smiley face even though he wasn't smiling, you get what I mean? ahahah It was good to see someone like that after a long day in school :) shall take it as a part of my celebration to mark the end of my last paper for this semester. I saw Jacob Black today, his hair got longer today. The reason why I find him attractive, his unique sense of style and I guess it's just HIM eh? Oh, one thing for sure, his hair sure do grow like super fly fast? ahahha I cant swear, but you gotta trust me on this ahaha!!! I bet his a senior , year three. ahahah, my Jacob black in school. sssh, it's between us. ahahaha Feels pretty gay everytime I blog you see, I don't know why I would feel this way ahaha but hyeahahahaha. OH, now I get it, I know why, because I have run out of DIARIES TO WRITE IT. hahah if only I could show you all of my diaries ahah you will be really amazed at my writing skills :) boy,... I miss having diaries as birthday present. hahaha. Nostalgia much. ahaha Labels: My personal preference Wednesday, August 25, 2010 | 11:30 PM
Kisses blowwww away~~ Alright, I know it was crappy over there, hyeah right there, HAHA. Lately, my PMS has got the better of me, which is HORRIBLE. Well, I have to accept the fact that I am a GIRL now. Face it, SIRIKANDA you are a girl ,DAMN, I am A GIRL. :( Hyeah.. Lately, been kinda low in spirit due to some many things in life. Man, I know, life's too short to even brood about anything but hey, it's tough, I am A HUMAN, with flesh and blood in me, dude, I feel stuff okay?! Hence, my emotions got the better of me, it's takign its tolll on me noooww.:( It didn't make me feel any better, infact I don even knwo what I am typign right now. All I know is that I needed SPACE to crap. Today... was a day that I didn't wanna go back home. I really do not know whyy but it;s really is devastating to have that thought of not going home. It shows howmiserable I am. Shows what my beauiful home has become of. Terrible aint it. Where did all the beautiful memories went to? Did it all went into someone's stomach? No?so tell me, where? People, do you not hear sincerity in ma voice, when I talk? Do I look like an empty vessel that';s making hell load of noise? I don know but it seems that I am a minority, whatever that I say... goes to the bin. or maybe stomach, if you like it better that way, it shows the creative side of me. Oh well.... I dunno its 11.38,. I should just hit the sack, wanna go for a morning jog tmr. I hate this suffocating feeling, I feel like I have the need to let loose, to run , swim, I need to break out the sweat in me, the cold terrible lonely sweat, I hate this vomit feeling, it's comign right back to get me. Sometimes, I just wanna keep running and never stop, never turn back to look, just keep running aimlessly, that way, I wont feel a single bit of tiredness. I wanna run till my knees give in I wanna run till the sun sets no more, I wanna run till I don see my shadows, I wanna run till I get the fact that I am alive, I wanna run till I don feel a single thing - numb, I wanna run thing armegadon is here, if I got the spelling right even, I wanna run till there's peace in this filthy world, I wanna till Iam a billionaire, I wanna run till I forget my identity, I wanna run till I forget me.... Labels: Keep Running Friday, April 16, 2010 | 10:50 PM
sorry seems to be the hardest worddd... Hey APPLE!! What suppppp!! ahaha. Folk's. how have LIFE been treating you? Mine? Pretty well the same nothing new nor old . MUNDANE. Sigh, tomorrow shall be my last day of work at Gramaphone:( I get pretty sad upon mentioning it. oh well... I don't miss the WORK of course. It's the people, P.E.O.P.L.E there. imma miss them so so much. Though it's just a short period of time, but those moments were the best. :D I probably miss him even more than before. ahaha Mr Nice:)) ahah. Been a really great colleague . Sayang me many many uh. Always helping me with the shit that I've done. Thank you is all I could say and BEN AND JERRY'S treat? WE SHALL SEE ABOUT IT AHAHAHAH!! OMO!! ahaha I wont forget. Best experience ever . Thanks guys, saying all this in ADVANCE. hahaha! sorry for being sucha ass at times and being such a klutz. gahh gimme a break already ahaha. I love you guys:)) Friday, March 12, 2010 | 9:16 PM
Read me PLEASE. Someone, anyone. Lately it's has been hard for me to breathe let alone my parents.I bet it was tougher and twice harder for them to even eat, nor sleep. I just don get it, why is it that HUMANS could be so blind at times? Okay, for this case, exceptional, it's ALL TIME. Why is it THAT she can't sees it? Always saying no one understands her, comprehends her, all of us belittle her. If we did, why would mum and dad go to extreme miles to clear all the shit you left behind? Bit by bit, pieces by pieces, I hear their heart shatter whenever your carelessness of words, actions were being potrayed. YES, NO ONE IS PERFECT, everyone makes mistakes Unfortunately, it is not OKAY to make mistakes all the time, agree much? It's absurb isn't it? Why can't one just learn from their mistake and repent. R.E.P.E.N.T is it that hard? I pray so hard everyday , every night for you to come to your sensess... I have faith in Lord, I too want to have faith in you. Why is it that you could be so blunt and rude to the eldery? Did I not tell you that , to make your own parents to cry over you especially your mother, is the worst SIN ever. She had you in her womb , having to give birth is painful, having to have you in her womb makes everything worthwhile for her, but.. look what've done? You say that your friend is being brainless and not know how to think, likewise, what makes you any better? I ain't no saint. I make mistakes too, I make my parents angry too, at the very least, I learned from my mistakes to never do it again moreover, I would never dare make them cry. I can't afford to see them shed those precious tears. Someone, very dear to me once told me that, all the tears that you have shed, Lord would have to keep them for you, all of them. Having to make them cry, did you think that you were a HEROINE back then? Did you even reflect on your self being? I really do not know how to tell you, and I seriously can't bring my self to talk to you, because everytime we do, we fight, we quarrel and we bear grudges. I hate to be your sister. I rather we were strangers if we have to fight like that all the time and make no sense of everything at all. To me, it's meaningless. Meaningless. Why can't you see that , they loved you so much. I know that your head's too thick to absorb everything, but let me tell you something, you may lie to everyone, including yourself, but you can never lie in HIS presence. Whatever that you are doing, HE sees it from above. I just do hope that this will wake you up, brighten your eyes, let you see not just the surrounding, but the things within that you have never ever ,were able to see since the start of your life. You always think that your life is tough, having to listen to your mum and do according to her, do you know why? You don't right. It's hard to tell you, but I totally feel her. I don't have to be a mother to know how it feels. Moreover, it's not like you dunno how she lead her life in the past. Being separated from her parents., being such a young child at that moment. You are in oblivious , aren't you, but why can';t you see it? Yes, you want to lead your life your way, who doesn't wants it? I yearn for it too. But my life , me, for who I am , it was given by Lord above and them, I still have to respect it and I thank them for letting me have a chance to see this world, be their child. Have you ever thought of that? I know we are different and I could never know what it is like to be you, but do you know it feels like to be her each time you hurt her. You should very well know that, they are traditional, but we could always talk things out. Did you think they wanted to interfere with you and your life? No, but it's jsut that they are worried, very worried about you, they aint treating you like a kiddo, but your actions, your every doing, it din't prove to them at all that they could let you go on your own. You may have grow, yes I agree, it's the number that is increasing, your wrinkles on your face,your body structure changes but you perceptions, it forever remain at 12, or rather 16. It's din progress any further, I can't judge you and never will I want to do that. Like this theory, Friends will scold one another because they really care and they are true to you vice versa, This is how it works for family as well. Do you know that it has been hell for me? I;m like always the middle person when shit happens. I have to be talkin to both sides. Listening to both, supporting her. Giving her enough support so that she wont collapse but the other side is not co-operating. My temper, I know, I lose it at times, but what I can't take most is you being disrespectful to them. Just like brother. How could you guys do that? Do you know the consequences, before you let those words, filthy words out from those mouths, did it ever crossed you mind that what are some consequences you have to face? Or responsibility you have to bear? No right, you just spit it out , being selfish and all. RIGHT Everyone says that all humans are selfish. No was mother theresa like that? was she? To be one, the decison lies only in you, no one could make you to be selfish. You have to know when to stop, and let me tell you, it's time. You;re no longer a kid , do you know that? If the family is going to fall apart because of you two. I surrender. I take mum and dad with me. You guys could then lead the life , that luxury that you guys have always dreamt of and yearned so dearly for. Go ahead. I wish you all the best. I tried my best all the time, but I know, you both never liked me, therefore it's hard to talk all the time. HAHA, always thought as what, parent's pet. At the very least, I don hurt them. Im willing to be a parent's pet for life then. chances are always there, they will never run out of it. But they questions is that, have you been using them correctly? Sparingly? If having to lose someone in this family makes the both of you to be a better person. Then let me be the one. I want both mum and dad to be able to see that you guys have changed for the better. 19 TH years of my life, bitter sweet sour salty, you name it you get it. I have all the experience in life already, I'm contented. I thank God, for HIM , to brightne my everyday, guiding me. Have mum as my mum dad as my dad, you guys as my siblings though you guys never liked me, though i always say I hate you and i eventually cry after that because I never meant it all along. Welcome to my life, I wouldnt say that my life is a sad one, for I am contented with what I have, I may not be a rich girl born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I have the richeness of life. I pray that Lord, will watch , bless and guide every single one my loved ones. GBU. Tuesday, March 9, 2010 | 10:11 PM
 I love me | 9:50 PM
So just pull the trigger..trigger..triggerr *BANG* I know right , the colour and the everything is just plained gayish. *laughs* yeah yeah.. i've got truckloads of free time, F.R.E.E T.I.M.E. got e picture yet? I know.. it's horrible to have a 2 months holiday without having a JOB. *JAW DROP* okay, push it right back up. hey! it's not like i'm bumming around at home, I did my hardest in getting my butt a JOB HOKAY. Shit uh, arraso. so yeah SHINEE is coming back, aiyer, no point uh squeezing with all the TIPS singaporean. *Decode It* ahaha. ME NO LIKE. Let's just talk about ma LIFE. Usual, that one word to describe it at the very moment. What?! I still eat, shit, sleep, bum around, jog, crap, pms , fight , I do things the HUMAN way hokay. Basically, nothing much uh. Just that.. im not really good with numbers, uh uh no no.. aint talking about MATH here. I'm plainly referring to age, *slapsforehead* hitting 19 this year, GEEz. OLD HAG. I KNOW RIGHT. ahaha LOVE? NAHHH............................................. still a HOT single mama yaw. BUT BUT...... now that I have reflected enough, I can't put the blame on him. I mean, I totally get it now, if only my head were in a clearer state. *rolledeyes* OH WELL.. GIRLS will always be GIRLS. emotion before anything in the woorrrldd tsktsk. bad ideaaaaa. so yeah, from another point of view, I'm just being such an ass and a boy crazy shit but then , I know, I mean those who knows me prolly know who I am talkin about. *whistling away* yeah yeah, though he was not being mentioned , neither did he pop up now and then like he did. He's never forgotten. I just realise that, I still like him better than anybody else. ha ha ha. Laugh all you want BITCHES. He's just shy, though all the empty promises were made. Was there even a promise to start with:/? CHIN CHA MULLLASO. yeah, that is my answer to that question of mine. ohweeeeelll..... im trying to shed some pounds here, fats, burn baby burnnn! goddammit, I don want you to stick with me for LIFE. yeah, I don want to be seen as, oh you look just like your sister. HEY YOU GUYS LOOK ALIKE? im sorry, but I just don LIKE IT? like , like it? Get IT? I mean, can't you see, we are different? In every way, so quit saying that . I'm original WE AINT EVEN TWINSSS. unless we are then I would prolly have to shut MA GAB and die with the fact then, but the fact HERE , right now at this moment, WE ARE SO NOT? like duh kind in your face? yeah man. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH i dunno perhaps due to my fatness makes me looks like her, imma lose all those fats shit outta me and look indifferent. Yeah. AIYE, the genes la, after all we are ONE FAMILY. so here, but still I will try to look less like her. eeeeee. ME NO LIKE ONCE AGAIN. sigh, I know, I;m being mean,but hey! I've got ma RIGHTS here. I live only ONCE, so who do you think you are yo stop me, UNLESS YOU ARE GOD. Only then will I stop, apart the Lord, I will not. so don even think.. HAHA. hokaaayyy.. this shit is getting draggy , longwinded, I dunno what you call it but imma end it here. so here you are rockerfellas. Read till you drop. :) GBU. |
